WADDAWEDOINNERE

The original inspiration for the name of this blog - character profiles for a role playing game a friend of mine ask me to play many (like 15) years ago. I enjoyed creating them, but didn't last long playing the game.

Personnel file of the warrior band WADDAWEDOINNERE.
Or, "Who are The Wadds?"

Shudduppin Daiscum is the Dwarven fighter often referred to as Argh due to the fact that this is all that most of his opponents have had the time to call him. He is the son of Hurryuppin Daiscum and Arbitch Offawoomin. He is arrogant beyond his height and deals rather violently with anyone that refers to themselves as a 'Mean Son-of-a-Bitch' as he has yet to find anyone worthy of his calling brother!

Twang Fweethwack is a Skaven archer, and has pledged her undying loyalty, among other things, to Argh after he responded to obviously feminine calls of distress and inadvertently rescued her before stopping to have a damn good look at her. Her fierce attitude to battle is belied by her insistence at being referred to as Fweety.

Overthiss Wheyguise is an Elven mage linked to this unlikely band by a deep, dark secret. So deep and dark that none of them actually know it, but they figure that a mage can be handy to have around; especially one with his skill at mixing cocktails. The mage is usually referred to by his friends as Spock. None of them know what this means but it stuck after an incident with a small group of rather shy and insipid looking humans whose lives were probably rather limited before they were ended by The Wadds.

Sikh Anyeshalfind, the Darkling priest, joined this band after he was less-than-politely asked by Fweety to heal the wounds of Argh after a battle in the priest's home town. Since his town was destroyed in the battle, and Fweety's insistence that he assist her did the same to his home, he figured he may as well offer them his services on a more permanent basis. Or at least until something better comes up.

Toulouse Orwin is a Darkling rogue with a formidable reputation. This reputation does not extend beyond the Wadds, however, as most of the survivors of battles she has been in don't seem to remember seeing her there. Grudgingly referred to as Lulu by the rest of the Wadds, she is also the origin of Sikh Anyeshalfind's nickname, Sikko, having known the priest earlier in her life.

Wazzadbee Hindyoo, or Wazza, a Gremlin rogue, is the most annoying member of the band; especially to the other Wadds. In fact, his continued presence in the band is more a testament to his roguish abilities than to his charm. His loyalty to the Wadds, and especially to Lulu, the focus of more than his loyalty, is only outweighed by his ability to avoid the repercussions of his actions. A fact which is especially annoying to Lulu, who only at her weakest or drunkest moments, admits that a guy that hard for even her to pin down, is good to have on your side.

Helloath Aylor, a Fairy fighter, is the newest member of the band. She does not often admit to her surname, preferring to use just her first name, and curses loudly at any mention of her parents. Her reasons for wanting to join the Wadds are vague, as were the rest of the band at the time she met them. Late at night. In a tavern. After a battle. In fact, the rest of the band don't remember her joining, but figure one of the others must have had good reason for accepting her presence. Not much is known about her, and it is Argh's educated opinion that they may not get the time to remedy this.

King Who?

He had watched as the creature snatched the woman from the sacrificial altar. Had followed the beast through the jungle. Had seen the men that accompanied him on this rescue chase killed by the massive foe that they pursued. Had seen the beast fight to the death with a prehistoric monster that could only live in this jungle on this island that had been, until now, untrodden by the feet of white men. And now...

And now he hid behind a rock in the cliff top lair of this massive beast watching the woman he loved lie unconscious in the palm of the monster that men called Kong.

Kong was staring intently at the prone form in his hand, tugging at the torn clothing that barely covered her body, dropping, forgotten, the pieces that tore away from what remained of her ragged raiments.

Concern for his love growing rapidly, the man tried to move to a better vantage point to plot some sort of rescue. Skirting the cliff top ledge he was not quite careful enough, and sent a cluster of rocks clattering loudly down the cliff face.

"You can come out now, little man; you are in no danger from me." Kong, his booming voice still echoing through the cave behind them, turned towards him. "Unless I accidentally sit on you, of course."

Startled, he stammered "Y..y..you can talk?"

"Clearer than you, by the sound of it." Kong replied, his apish face managing a wry grin.

The man sat, astounded, looking up at this huge creature.

"Stop staring, little man. Anybody would think you'd never seen a talking ape before."

He could not help but laugh at that. "Well now you mention it, Kong, I haven't."

"Please don't call me that, little man. My name is Kevin, actually."

"Kevin?" he replied, stifling a laugh.

"You think that's funny, do you?" he asked, quietly, moving towards the man.

"Um, no. Sorry, er, Kevin. I just didn't expect it from such an imposing looking being. Mine's Joe."

The woman, still lying in the great ape's hand stirred. "Joe? Is that you?" She opened her eyes to find herself staring into Kevin/Kong's smiling face.

"Hello, little lady." he began, to which she promptly screamed and fainted.

"I wish she'd stop that, Joe." he lamented as he put her gently down on a bed of grass nearby.

"Well, Kevin, you're not exactly the sort of thing she sees every day back home. Now you mention it, I'm kinda stunned that I'm sitting here talking to you so calmly."

"I'm glad you are, Joe, I don't get many visitors here."

"What about all those ladies the natives keep sacrificing to you?"

"Well, er, that's different."

"I'll say. I saw you undressing Lisa when I got here. Hey, you weren't going to....."

Kong's laughter almost knocked Joe over. "I'm not an idiot, Joe. She fits in the palm of my hand. This," he continued with an obvious gesture, "doesn't. You do the math."

"Okay, but what have you been doing with all those women. The natives must have been sacrificing them to you for decades."

"Yeah they have and I'm getting quite tired of it actually, but they won't stop. They think that if they don't I'll break out and attack them. I didn't want to break out, I liked it here."

"Then what do you do with them all."

"Not much. I stopped taking them for a while, but then they blamed the women and just killed them themselves, so I started taking them again. Some of them are still wandering around the jungle, no doubt, but most just panicked, jumped off the cliff, starved to death, that sort of thing."

"Why did you start taking them in the first place?"

Kong looked shyly at Joe. "I was, er, young and, um, curious."

This time it was Joe's turn to laugh.

"It's not funny, Joe. I'm quite embarrassed about the whole thing, actually. Initially they looked so interesting, and sort of, um, appealing. You know, all soft and curvy. I learned pretty quickly what I could and couldn't do; some of it was quite tragic. One poor girl was caught sleeping between me and the wall early one morning while I was dreaming about what might be. Nothing glorious about that morning. I stopped actually touching them after that, so it's a real shame about the one I drowned."

Joe looked horrified at that thought, and the great ape looked almost as if he was blushing. "Hey, we all do it, Joe!"

They both laughed at that.

"So what were you doing to Lisa, then?"

"Well, all I usually do these days is bring them back here, then leave them to their own devices, but this one's different. She's pale, and her hair's all yellowy, I haven't seen anyone like that before. I guess my curiosity returned. I wasn't going to do anything, though."

"So, I can take her back with me, then?"

"Of course, there's nothing here for her. And, um, Joe?"

"Yes Kevin?"

"Take me with you."

"I thought you liked it here?"

"I did. But the jungles really boring and those natives are bugging the shit out of me. Can I come?"

"Yeah, why not. I've got a friend back at the ship who came all this way just to meet you. Isn't he in for a surprise!"

Kong picked up Joe and the still unconscious woman and carried them back to the huge gate at the edge of the village.

"Put me up on the top of the wall, and I'll get the gate opened for us, Kevin."

"No need, Joe. Watch this." And with that the great ape kicked the gate square in the centre and Joe watched as it exploded outwards into the village, the huge log used to bar the gate snapping like a matchstick.

Joe looked up at Kong in surprise.

"I told you I hadn't wanted to break out. I didn't say I couldn't."

Joe and Kevin laughed all the way to the ship.